Most often when one hears the term “past life regression,” karmic patterns come to mind. For soul workers, healing karmic patterns entails the healing nature of returning to the source of a wound, tracking it into the present, and releasing its current power so that free will prevails. I have experienced many of those kinds of past-life regressions, the first of which started in my psychotherapist’s office, and ended at a plantation home somewhere in early 1900s Louisiana. In that former life, I first felt a true sense of happiness, which I carried back to help me work on my unhappy present. Later, from a shamanic perspective, I was led into lives that created the karma I was healing in this life. I was subsequently led through every related, traumatic detail that needed healing up through my present. Each of these regressions was very powerful for the period of my life in which they occurred. However, they were all tied to karmic patterns — that is, earthly energy and legacy. The most profound regression I have done far surpassed the Earthly plane, as it was not specifically tied to human life form. In that experience, I realized how small my concept of myself, Spirit and the Universes had been, even after years of spirit travel.
I remember asking the Goddess what I needed to do in my life at that time. I didn’t have a personal agenda, which is unusual for my approach to shamanic journeying. I just felt the need for kinship with Her and to remain open to any insight coming from that interaction. She immediately took my hand and led me into the clouds. We emerged at a long, marble building. Inside was one long corridor with side alcoves like a museum, and columns all the way down the center. The only things in this place were pictures. Every one of them was unique and seemingly hand drawn, painted, or in some other way crafted onto canvas. As we walked through, we talked, and I realized these works were soul portraits.
“We’ve come to see your baby picture,” she said, smiling. “Your very first baby picture.”
I knew then that we had entered part of the Akashic records that I had not seen before. I was intrigued to have been taken there by the Goddess Herself, the one who first made me, and to see the form She made. Usually my guides take me to the places where soul data is kept. That the Goddess led me there was very humbling.
We walked three-fourths of the way into the building, though I sensed it went on much farther than what I could see. We stopped at a very strange picture that had captured my attention even as we neared it.
The portrait looked like a starburst in space, a nebula. It reminded me of a woven DNA strand, though not specifically a shape I’d ever seen before. The form was clearly a star constellation in space. Immediately I thought of how I see the physical forms of my clients as constellations when I’m doing energy work, and how that presentation of the etheric body subsequently made me wonder who we are really seeing when we map our stars each night. But this one – me – wasn’t just a pattern of stars. There were rainbows flowing upward, dipping into a concave bowl in the center and wrapping around itself, then showering up into more rainbows coming out. There were colors in it that I had never seen before—didn’t even know the names for. This thriving spectrum lay against the black-blue, sparkling background of the Universe.
She took the picture down and handed it to me. I stared at it for a few minutes, quite overcome with seeing this aspect of myself. Somewhat stunned, I hung it back on the wall.
“I don’t feel connected to it,” I told Her, which was very stressful to me. I did not feel connected to what I originally was.
I asked Her how I lost the connection, and I knew that there was no one catalyst. Rather, it was the culminating result of carnating over lifetimes and becoming part of that mortal saga. Generally, when I feel a disconnect in myself or someone else, I sense a very specific place and time at which that disconnect occurred, as well as the circumstances surrounding it. With that information I can work with spirit guides to release and reconnect. Feeling disconnected from my soul source was different, though. I felt very sad in finally seeing just how heavily life in physical form can literally and figuratively come to weigh down the soul.
The Goddess led me into the lower portion of the drawing, and we stood on one of the bottom ribbons of the rainbow. Not only had we transcended the barrier of earthly spirituality, but we merged with what lies beyond that. We weren’t just on the rainbow standing in space; we were the rainbow, in Creation. All the facets of its light shone through me; sparkled around me, as I and they were not a solid shape at all but light and color. In every little crystal of golden light that shone through me, I felt only joy. The feeling was ecstatic, but then I realized that this feeling was not just the emotion of joy, it was ME. Joy is how I was perfectly created. I had no need of feeling anything else, and I cried for having been separated from this bliss, and from the sheer joy of knowing that I was created joyful. That knowledge meant that I could be this otherworldly joyful in my present.
Spirit blew this original, joyful me back into my crown. She didn’t blow into the solar plexus, as is custom, only into the crown three times. I realized how important this change in method was, in that the connection needed to be acknowledged only in that space between my Universal and earthly spiritual awarenesses. I asked Her how I could reconnect with this part of me in waking. I felt Joy communicating with me by just merely letting myself be Joy. There was no talking, no feeling… just the state of being Joy. The Goddess told me that I was already holding this connection and that I didn’t need to do anything else.
To have firsthand validation of my soul’s existence and origin beyond the realms of this world was quite meaningful, not just in a general spiritual light, but from a time-space unrelated to this planet. Being given the chance to see how spiritual life manifests beyond the earthly barrier was very useful in working with energy that is not based in earthly nature. I was given the opportunity to experience and connect with energies and healing that Earth could not offer me. Without being led completely out of this plane by the Goddess Herself, I would not have been able to feel the existence of my soul, since it was barred by the stains of mortal life, its wounds, and its insecurities. What She showed me by taking me to meet myself “as Spirit truly made me” was more than the bliss of first stepping into the spirit realm, or the first time I experienced my own soulful nature… She showed me that there is no disconnection; that the soul I was, I have always been through the lifetimes of mortality.
I am the Joy that Spirit created me, still.